Another Classic Case of ODI
Six and a half years ago we picked up our life and moved to a new state. We had a 5 month old, 2 year old, 4 year old, and a 6 year old. We were far from any family and knew no one. Before boxes were even unpacked, my husband left on a jet plane for the first of many, many international business trips. International business travel was also new to us. Prior to this move all his travel had been regional and mostly drivable.
And yet…AND YET…when I look back, it’s the time of our life that I love the most in regards to motherhood. Why would someone in the midst of so much change and so little help be so happy? I wonder.
As 2019 came to a close, my life was feeling out of control. I was overcommitted, in high demand, and struggling to set boundaries. I had agreed to be an APT president, travel soccer team manager, and SIC chair. I was also trying to run my own business where I had taken on far too much work, while I tended to every single solitary need of my four kids.
Deadlines. Attending (often hosting) meetings. Coordinating volunteers. Arranging luncheons. Carpools. House management. Calendar keeping. The incessant dinging of my phone alone was enough to send me over the edge. Add to that, hosting Thanksgiving, orchestrating Christmas, traveling over the holiday, and then it all closed on New Year’s Eve with the death of our 14 year old Scottie dog, Gracie Mae.
Once again, I had Over Done It (ODI). The introvert in me was dying. I’m not built to be so exposed and available. I was drained of all the good things I have to offer. My people–especially my family–were getting the worst of me.
I woke up on New Year’s Day and thought to myself, Well, that’s just enough of that. I wanted my sanity back. I wanted to be able to go to bed at night without panic for tomorrow and wake up knowing my day would be more nourishing than draining. I wanted to be the best version of myself for the people I care the most about.
I started thinking about 6 years ago when we moved here with four little ones. Why was I so happy? Well, I think it’s because I was anonymous. I was unknown, like every good introvert wants to be. No one knew to ask me for homemade cookies. No one knew I was really good with spreadsheets. No one knew I was a right brained creative. No one asked me for anything.
I’ve been in a chronic state of telling my kids Just a minute. Let me finish this first. I just can’t right now.
I was completely focused on my kids, my family, my home. I quickly made a couple of really good friends. We kept to ourselves and lifted each other up. I wasn’t worried about the emails I was supposed to return to the fundraiser contact person, or the team app I needed to update with the soccer schedule, or how many volunteer shifts I was going to have to cover since no one would sign up. Those weren’t my problems then. They are now. I’ve been in a chronic state of telling my kids Just a minute. Let me finish this first. I just can’t right now. And finding time for coffee or lunch with a friend feels almost impossible.
My focus is simple. My number one goal in my life is to nourish my family–their bodies, minds, and souls. I want to create a home that is a reprieve for them and myself. I want the weight of their worlds to melt off of their shoulders when they walk in our home. I want us to have a cozy place where we go to recharge. I want a calm, tidy space that reduces anxiety instead of creating it. I want nourishing meals bringing everyone around the table to share their day and replenish their energies.
These are the things that make ME happy and I want to offer to MY family. Everyone’s vision is different. I wanted (needed) to get back to mine.
So, what have I done to reverse this ODI? The first thing I did was put my phone on silent. I’ll get to it when I get to it. I can’t be at everyone’s beck and call. It literally makes me ill. I’ve decided to finish out my current volunteer commitments and then I’ll start resigning from the ones that are taking up too much space in my life. Just knowing they will be coming to an end is allowing me to breathe easier. Someone else can take a turn. And I cut my workload back to my one favorite client. I’ll continue to be open to finite project work, but for now I won’t take on any more ongoing or indefinite workloads.
My kids are now on the verge of 7, 9, 11, and 13. More and more I feel the days slipping away. I want to make sure I’m living these days on my terms.
So here I am, learning to say No. No, thank you. Not right now. I’m not sure I have time for that. Thanks for thinking of me, but that doesn’t suit right now. Oh, hell no. And learning to turn off the noise that gets too loud.
Have you found yourself feeling overwhelmed? Over committed? Over it? — What did you do to help yourself get back to your level of healthy? How did you reclaim your life? If you care to share, I’m listening…
Courtney Sage 